blah more whining under the cut

like I just I don’t even know what my abilities are because like. Half of what I do is ignore my limits and just do things but because of that I don’t know when I’ve reached an Actual Limit and I feel so awful and I wish that my depression hampered activity when it got bad because that would be so much easier to monitor like

if im just coasting along it hampers my ability to do things, if I get a bit better so does my ability to do things but if it gets a bit worse my ability to do things gets better still because i stop caring about the impact it might have on me and I just wish I knew because this wanting to curl up and cry feels different than most but 

how the fuck am i supposed to know wow amazing incredible